Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
