i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
