In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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