Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
