I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize