I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
