I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
