i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize