im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
