He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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