I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
