hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
