dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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