Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
