Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
