just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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