Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
