I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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