1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
