I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
