we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
