so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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