just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
