I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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