I would go down on you faster than GM stock
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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