Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
