I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
