you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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