Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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