my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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