honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
