I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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