Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
