Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bring me that man meat
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
