i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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