I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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