Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
