for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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