I hope mine doesn't look like that
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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