Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
