Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
