Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
