he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
