I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
