...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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