i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
