Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We have so much sex to catch up on
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
