You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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