I wish I could teleport
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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