what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
