Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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