I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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