dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
