Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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