At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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