I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
