if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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