are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
