i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You were trust falling into bushes
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
