Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
