Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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