Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
