so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
