I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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