Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
