you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
