no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
