Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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