i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
