Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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