Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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