I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
