In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
