maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
