I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
