i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
