so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
