Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
