i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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